Recently I had a client referred to me
by his wife, who warned me that he was a “tall, proud man, who
wasn't comfortable being labeled disabled.”
I've written here about how the various
laws around disability have “labels” or definitions that
individuals need to meet before they can be protected under the laws.
I've encountered numerous clients, as well as friends, who are not
comfortable yet with the idea that they fit into some of these
definitions. It's not surprising when, for instance, to be disabled
for the sake of Social Security benefits, a person needs to prove an
“inability to perform substantial gainful activity.”
People want to work. They want to be
useful to society. I am casting people with some broad strokes here,
but overall, it's true. It's far more appealing to be able to perform
substantial gainful activity than to not be able to. But most of the
laws demand that folks first admit they are unable, not only to the
courts, but also to themselves, their families, and society. It's no
easy acknowledgment.
The question for me then is, how to
meet my clients in their own mental space, respecting where they are
now with accepting their disability? I've had disabled good friends
come to acceptance of their disabilities over the course of years, so
how could I expect anything else from my clients?
In the case of the “tall, proud man”
I mentioned at the outset, as comfortable as his wife was with his
disability and the tricky label it came with, she wasn't my client. I
told her I'd have to respect his head space, too. One skill I
employed when he and I did eventually speak on the phone was the
not-to-be-overlooked one of listening.
I could push the laws on him all day,
tell him he was disabled, and could take advantage of Social Security
Disability benefits, but all that was going to fall on deaf ears if
he wasn't yet comfortable with his disability. The more I listened,
the more I let him talk, the more information he gave. He told me of
the struggles, and I listened.
I also made certain I used my
vocabulary around disability with as much ease as I could muster.
Being disabled can be a real pain in the butt, from the physical
limitations of it to the way the world is designed (overall) for
able-bodied individuals. I talked with him about some of that with
the same matter-of-factness as I might talk about long lines at
stores during Christmas. The more I did that, the more he did, too.
Lastly, I shared with him some of the
experiences of other clients and my friends who are disabled.
Oftentimes, when someone's not yet ready to see themselves as
disabled, they think they're alone—that no one else has dealt with
this pain-in-the-butt situation before. While every disabled person
is different, many of the struggles of being disabled in an
able-bodied world are similar. I like to think that hearing about
others' struggles gave him the sense he was not as alone as he
originally thought.
All of this is to say that respecting
your client's head space is an art, not a science. It's requires you
to be one part listener, as well one part gentle nudge, and a whole
lot of other things in different measures. If they're not ready to be
a part of that process, there's nothing you can do. If they are ready
to dialogue about what you can do as their disability attorney, then
some of what I've mentioned might help.
That tall proud man is now my client.
We got here through conversation that was messy and slow. My next
client will be different. But I am ready when they are.
